Dear Sassy Surrogate: Kids Understanding Surrogacy

Dear Sassy Surrogate,

Will my kids understand surrogacy? Or are they too young to understand?  Concerned on how this will impact their lives and what their thought process is about this.

Dear Concerned,

Now don’t go tell them the all scientific wording of how babies are made through surrogacy, but if you make it toddler or age appropriate for them, then of course! I think you might actually be surprised at what they will understand. At the time I started my surrogacy journey my kids were the age of four and one. I started explaining how we have a family and you have a little sister, and some mommies are unable to have children, so they needed a little help from us to create their family. We then explained that Mommy will have a baby in her tummy growing, and when that baby is ready to come out that baby will go home with their mom and dad because we are just keeping the baby warm for them until they can come out into the world.  You can explain it however you like to your children, but you don’t have to get into the nitty-gritty. Not a moment of hesitation went by and my four year old was so excited to meet new people and help. My one year old was still in pre-toddler land just rolling with whatever sister was doing. If sister was excited, then she should be too. 

My children then meet the intended parents for the first time, and they were even more understanding than I thought they would ever be. We did explain and mentally prepare them before we met them, but we were realistic about how much a one year old could understand; but she knew that these people were nice to her and her sister likes them so she will too.  By the time the babies were born my one year old was two and gained even more understanding. She talks about the babies all the time now. When we get pictures or texts we all stop what we are doing and just smile and talk about the babies with each other. We weren’t scared to hold anything back from them; we always talked to them about what was going on and made sure that they were ok. 

I am very lucky that my intended parents are able and willing to share pictures and videos with us so we can see the babies grow. We are even lucky enough to be able to visit them from time to time. 

Remember, every child learns differently, and every child takes a different amount of time to comprehend things. If you respect that in your children they will learn to do the same for you and understand the amazing thing you are doing for someone. 

As an agency we have many resources for you and your children. Even play groups with other children and families going through surrogacy as well. If you want more information, check out our web page here.

If you are interested in becoming a gestational carrier, fill out our intake form today! For further questions please email us at