Strange Questions People Ask Surrogates During Their Pregnancy
Colorado Surrogacy has a great team with experienced surrogates, Suzie, Amber and Callie (oh, and me!)! I asked what strange questions they have been asked during the surrogacy process and the responses were amazingly universal.
What if you decide you want to keep it after the birth? What about your kids - why are you giving away their siblings? How do you give up your baby?
There are many variations to these questions, but the answer remains the same. The baby is not mine; it never was. The genetics are made from the Intended Parents or donated eggs or donated sperm. The Intended Parents embryo was transferred to me; I am just there to help it grow for about 9 months.
Are you doing this under the care of a doctor or did you just inseminate yourself at home?
In order for laws, contracts and the Intended Parents to be named as parents on the birth certificate the process has to be done by a licensed doctor. Being a Gestational Carrier, or Gestational Surrogate, literally just means that you are gestating the embryo; the carrier is in no way related to the embryo/child as the embryo is from the IPs, transferred to the GC’s uterus, therefore not possible to inseminate at home as a Gestational Carrier.
Why would you need to take medication for surrogacy?
When a woman gets pregnant, she naturally produces some hormones as the egg is released, then as the egg combines with the sperm her body kicks into high gear to create hormones so the body maintains the pregnancy by thickening the uterus. When you are a Gestational Carrier the egg and sperm have already met and are typically inserted in the uterus as a 5 day old embryo. The body might not keep that embryo and maintain a pregnancy if the lining of the uterus isn’t at an optimal thickness to accept the embryo and the hormones in her body aren’t just right. The medications for the Gestational Carrier can also be given to suppress ovulation because the process does not need her eggs.
What if the child grows up to have issues because someone other than their mother gave birth to them?
Children can grow up to have issues for myriad reasons. Being born when desperately wanted and out of love is not going to be one of them! Of course, the child could experience complications from the birth, but that’s true for any birth and has nothing to do with the fact that a Gestational Carrier gave birth. Additionally, would you ask that question of someone who was adopted?
Will the baby look like you because you are carrying it?
The only way that could be even remotely possible is if a Gestational Carrier is carrying a baby for a family member, and even then, it is still not the Gestational Carrier’s eggs being used in the process, so it will look like the mother, or egg donor, and the father, or sperm donor!
Did you have to have sex with the dad?
Ewww. No, no, no! Also, there are all kinds of families that use surrogacy, so there might not even be a “Dad”! The embryo is created in a lab and transferred to the uterus; there is no sex involved, only a doctor, ultrasound, several nurses, Gestational Carrier, an embryo and a cervical catheter ;-).
Do you get to name or help name the baby?
Not likely, but the Intended Parents may ask you or want your opinion about a name.
Do you get to see or hold the baby?
Usually at the birth and several days after while everyone is in the hospital, both parties, IPs and GC, visit each other often. If both are local to each other, this may happen frequently, even after everyone goes home. This all just depends on the relationship between IPs and GC.
What if they (IPs) decide they don't want to keep the baby?
Intended Parents do not spend the time, money and energy necessary for gestational surrogacy to not want a child that they have been dreaming of for so long. There are also legal contracts in place so that the baby goes home with who it was originally created for.
Are you making millions?
Gestational Carriers are compensated most of the time; and the amounts can vary widely, however this compensation is meant to cover the time, effort, discomfort, and sacrifices they are making; it is generally referred to as pre-birth child support. This amount is not typically near a million, much less millions!
Gestational Surrogacy really is a fairly new concept in the grand scheme of things and is still a learning process for many. Feel free to email us questions at firstname.lastname@example.org. We also have other blogs and our Ask Jennifer and Amanda Questions with lots of information.