Pros and Cons of Self Matching

Self-matching. I get it, I have been there myself!  It can be overwhelming and somewhat like walking into the great-unknown. I, like many others, self-matched because I was a surrogate for friends, but some self-match with people they never knew before this process, like Amber our intake coordinator for MT. Matching entities are a great asset, but you can still do it all yourself, if you have to.

The main pro of not using a matching entity to match is that it saves the intended parents money. You may also feel like a matching entity is a bit cumbersome and you want to cut out the middle man or the third party. However, that also leaves you little or no buffer during this process, especially for the hard conversations and parts of the process like number of embryos to transfer, termination, money, special requests and other preferences. The clinic or lawyers can help with some of these conversations, but they rarely are able to give it the full and honest discussion that it deserves. I was friends with my IPs and sometimes it was still hard to talk with them about how I was feeling or what I needed because this is a unique and stressful process. A huge con I see with self-matching is that all those pieces involved are on you. That means that contacting the clinic, knowing the next steps, finding a lawyer, keeping up with your med calendar, everything, it’s all on you. Self-Matching is always an option, just one I warn people to be cautious of because there are some steps that are vitally important to the process.

Even if self-matching, these things are very important:

  • Each Party – IPs and GC must have their own attorney (one of the attorneys must be in the state in which the baby will be born) – A good lawyer would NEVER allow either party to not have their own representation

  • Baby needs to be born in a state in which IPs can legally be named the parents (through a pre-birth order or other appropriate legal documents), the following link is a map about laws and surrogacy friendly states: https://www.creativefamilyconnections.com/us-surrogacy-law-map/

  • Escrow/expense account should be established for any cost reimbursement, the surrogate should never have to ask or wait for money, most lawyers will require this.

  • Health insurance review – the surrogate’s insurance should be surrogate friendly and not have a lien or exclusionary clause.

All that being said, it can be done! I did it and so did Amber! The goal is to help someone with their dream of growing their family whether self-matching or using a matching entity. 

What if you do want to self-match or are already self-matched….but still want some matching entity help? We can help with that! Contact us today about our concierge services, and let us assist with the process and those other sticky pieces. If you are a parent considering surrogacy, contact us here for a free consultation. If you want to be a gestational carrier and help build another family’s dreams, fill out our intake form here.


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