Dear Sassy Surrogate: What is the relationship between surrogate and surrobaby?

Dear Sassy Surrogate,

How would you explain the relationship with the surrogate and the surrobaby? I know I am helping create this life to make another family, but how is it different than with my own children?  What was your experience? Thank you!  Looking for Insight

Dear Looking,

Here is a peek into my journey and relationship with the surrobaby…

Growing up my dream was never to get married and be a mom, but as I got older and I had more life experiences my dreams changed. I grew up knowing that my sister, whom I loved more than anything, would probably never be able to carry her own children, so even before I had my own, I knew I would want to make that dream come true for her if that was possible. (Knowing nothing about surrogacy, how that worked or even the possibilities). I eventually had my own children with fairly easy pregnancies and births….long story short, during those life experiences I met a dear friend, who was now married, and trying to start a family of their own. The longing to have a child is a strong one, whether it starts as a young child or later in life. If you are able to be a surrogate and help with that longing for someone else, well nothing is more amazing. Helping create a life that might otherwise not be?  Remarkable! It’s loving a life enough to sacrifice yourself and your family for a baby. A baby to create another family.

During the pregnancy, you know this has been a long, sought after thing. You want nothing more than to watch this life grow and flourish into a happy and healthy baby. There is a hope, not just for yourself and your family this time, but a hope for a miracle, a hope to make another’s dream come true. There is a love and a bond as you create this life, adding in the desire for the best for someone else. Watching your belly grow, as the dream grows, yes, there is a relationship with this being you are helping to create, wanting the very best for this baby and their family. Anxiously awaiting every test, every ultrasound, in hopes that the dream becomes reality. Feeling the baby move, talking to her, being extra cautious about every decision to try to control the uncontrollable gift of life. This is not to diminish the relationship with your own children in the womb because that is amazing too, but carrying for someone else is a different feeling of special. Now you are adding another dimension in that relationship, more people, more experiences, more love!

Once the baby is born – it’s the greatest gift ever! You love that baby like as if it were your own, yet knew that you were doing this to create another family all along. It’s akin to meeting a niece or nephew. To see the looks on the parents’ faces...the joy, the tears, the happiness, the amazement and the gratefulness! You want the best for that child, as if it were your own family, but the details are for their family to work out. 

For weeks after the surrobaby was born I would remind myself, especially because I couldn’t physically feel her move anymore or see her in person, that she was ok and with a great family.  It helps me that to be able to see pictures of her regularly and watch her grow.  I know that is not the case for every surrogacy journey, but I know the feelings of trust for the dream and the love for that family you helped remain the same.

Each journey has its ups and downs, remembering during the whole process the innocence of life and the hope of a baby is the dream, the goal, the reason for the sacrifice regardless of the adult relationships. This baby is special; it is the reason for the process.

Interested in beginning your journey as a gestational surrogate?