The Crazy Questions Surrogates Get

Kids say the darnedest things? Well, so do adults (family, friends, strangers on the bus) when they find out you are going to be a surrogate. Answers to most of these questions or comments could be topics all on their own, but here are the basics of the questions surrogates get asked.

Don’t you want to keep the baby? Won’t you get attached? The baby is not mine, I went into this experience knowing the baby was not mine and I wanted to help someone else make their dreams come true in making a family.  There is a relationship made with the baby, like seeing the joy in the intended parents eyes when the baby is born. And, NO I don’t want to keep the baby. Does your babysitter try to keep your kids when you get home?

Can a surrogate keep the baby? No. There are legal contracts made before the embryo(s) is/are ever transferred and legal documents filed with the courts as the pregnancy progresses establishing who the parents are.

Wow, I could never give up my baby! The baby is in no way mine.  I knew going into this process it was not my baby and the baby is in no way genetically related to me.

So you are going to be rich? I am compensated for my time, and all medical costs are covered . . . but, rich? No.

Do you have to give yourself shots? Yes, as well as pills, suppositories, patches, creams, and the list goes on and on.

People shouldn’t be playing God.  Totally. I assume that's why you won't take antibiotics or other medications. If God didn't want you sick or dying, he would make you better without turning to modern medicine and doctors who are otherwise playing God by treating you.

People shouldn’t pay for babies.  We all pay for babies in one way or another, some just have to pay a little more to get help make their dreams come true.

Isn’t that just like egg donation? No, they are not using my eggs, and I carry a baby for 9 months.  This is not anonymous, I know these people and relationships are made.

So they use a turkey baster? Well, not really. Embryos don’t last too well in turkey basters. It’s a little more complicated than that.

Did you have sex with the dad to get pregnant? NO!!! EWWW!!! An embryo, created from someone else’s egg and sperm, was transferred to my uterus by a licensed medical professional.

What if the Intended Parents wanted only one and you get pregnant with twins, do they only keep one baby? Legal contracts will stipulate if reduction of fetuses is an option, but if two babies are born they both go home with the intended parents.

Won’t the babies look like you? No, they are in no way genetically related to me.  A little caveat: they could look like the surrogate if she chooses to carry for a family member, but it still wouldn’t be her eggs. 

Surrogacy has a steep learning curve and it’s still not all that common, but the experience is amazing. With that being said, words still hurt, and make eyes roll so please try to approach with kindness and curiosity.  As surrogates, we know we are going to have to answer all sorts of questions, and we usually don’t mind a bit, but please just ask with an open heart.

Photo by Eunice Lituañas on Unsplash